Mr T Dies

TV's Mr T has died. The famous actor and star of TV's the A Team and Desperate Houswives suffered a heart attack after he found himself on a plane. According to his wishes he was buried in a fir tree plantation in Devon, England

Are You Local?

I was sent this letter (twice) by my building society. I think the one in Brighton must be nearer.

Feed the World

Death by plasters. Read on.

Meglalopolis

Wait a minute...shouldn't that just be the first global city, anywhere, ever?

Time for a Smoke

It's always difficult to teach kids to tell the time.

That's why I've bought this lovely wall clock for my young daughter.

Get one for your little Luck Star!

Shiny Happy Dead People

Now that's got to be a great title for a book. I want royalties if it's used.

White Knuckle Ride

Next time you're tucking into a cucumber, spare a thought for those brave persons who have to catch them, corral them, persuade them to fit into blue plastic bags and onto the top of a motorbike. That's the easy bit...you just try riding on top of a bag of those wriggling and a writhing fellas all the way to market! Hip hip, hurrah for the Cucumber Wranglers!

Global Worming

The sun is worm... ...but you knew that already, right?

Feel the Heat

"A fake coal fire for your living room in Phnom Penh? A snip at $1750 sir." Who, in their right mind, would want a fake coal fire in a tropical country near sea level? Recently, I have been checking out furniture for my new house in the stores of the Cambodian capital. If you wanted a kind of James Bond villain decor thing going on then you would be in the right place. Huge neo-classical desks abound. It would be easy for me to get lost behind some of the behemoths available. The average Cambodian would be swallowed up just by the drawers. Tempted as I was to go for the kitsch, I went the antique (probably repro) route. However it was hard to turn down a vinyl sofa bed with "Punk It Up Rock Slacker!" emblazoned all over it.

Sticking It to You

I don't know about you, but I think this design would have looked better if the tatooed naked lady had a beard.

Great Mates

Bernama reports a story about ethnic Chinese being treated with respect in Cambodia. Kong Triv, an ethnic Chinese tycoon and senator has been speaking about his experience as an ethnic Chinese businessman.

"Whatever difficulties Cambodia faces, China is always there to help us," he said

Indeed they have. Let's not forget all the wonderful support China gave Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge years, supplying technical advisors, keeping the embassy open, and buying all the rice the country could produce. Plus there's all that ideological stuff about destroying the bourgeois elements.

Kramer vs Kramer

Michael Richards, loveable comic actor and racist, has been finding himself in Cambodia. Sounds like he's been living mostly in luxury (he's been staying at the Hotel de La Paix in Siem Riep) but to give him his due, he got on a truck and braved the bumpy roads to Preah Vihear. He's certainly been impressed by the waving kids in the countryside, but there's no mention of the dire living conditions they live in. However, they've made him all spiritual maaaaaaaaaaaan!

"What constitutes spirituality is heart," he said. "You go through a country like this and see the people close to the land. I see the heart they put into their homes and their lives. I see their children: open-eyed and cheery. You're in the middle of the country and they're waving at you from a motorcycle. When you're right there at that living connection, that's spiritual."

Not Altogether Bad

I think the person who wrote this sticker for a pigeonhole may have misspelled the NGO, unless the NGO has decided to come clean about its less than successful track record and reflected this in its chosen name.

Actually I know what it's supposed to be. Can you guess?

Wh'appen Dread?

I work near a Caltex petrol station in Phnom Penh. Most Caltex stations have a Starmart, a shop much like you would find in most petrol stations in the UK, except these ones sell alcohol. These places are becoming an increasingly popular place for the young Phnom Penhois to see, be seen and ruin their teeth drinking over sweet coffee. I'm not exactly sure what the attraction of them are, but I can think of better places to sip a hot beverage that don't have a view of petrol pumps, car washes, glue sniffing kids and a constant stream of traffic using the forecourt as a short cut.

As I nipped out to buy some milk the other day I spied these two up to date scooters outside. You will of course notice the Royal Cambodian Armed Forces licence plate and the red, gold and green stickers with the leafy motif. Some of you may think that the owners were displaying their support for Rastafarianism. The colors of Rasta are black, red, yellow, and green. The red, green, and yellow are the colors of the Ethiopian flag, and the black represents Africa. Each color has its own meaning, and they are very significant for many Rastafarians. The black is for Africa because it is considered the homeland.The red is for the blood of all living things in the world. The yellow is for all the gold, jewels, and treasures. The green is for the Earth that people walk on, and that Rastas feel a special connection to. The leaf is none other than that of the cannabis plant which has intoxicant properties and is smoked by the followers of Rasta and considered a sacrament.

I looked inside for the owners of these vehicles. The only customers inside were spotty youths with too much gel in their hair which was cut in distinctly un-military styles. No dreadlocks, no throbbing reggae bass, no roast fish and cornbread nor the sweet smell of sensimillia.

I don't think the stickers are connected to Rastafarianism at all. The red must symbolise the red mouths of their betel chewing grandmothers, the gold the hundreds of dollars of jewellery they were wearing and the green...er...ah yes...the thousands of dollars deposited in a bank account in Singapore in their name. But what about the leaf motif? That's not a cannabis leaf. No, that's an oil palm leaf, symbolising the hundreds of hectares of Cambodian forest that are being cut down for oil palm plantations in an effort to develop Cambodia.

Always Read the Label Carefully!

KI Media has posted a story from DPA. It's the sad tale of a man who wanted, in his way, to be more of a man but went about it the wrong way, with tragic consequences. Don't try this at home...no, really!

Brother Big Number Two

Nuon Chea has been speaking to Al Jazeera net. Asked about the deaths, during the regime he was a big part of, he reveals: "My mistake is that I did not get involved with the lower levels so was not able to discover that there were bad men hiding among the people. We did not go into the local level. This was a big mistake." Oooh bad men!!!...naughty, naughty bad men!!!...blame 1.7 million deaths on the naughty bad men!!!. Bad men who were hiding (probably planted before the Khmer Rouge came to power by the Vietnamese as part of their centuries old plot to take over Cambodia) just waiting to starve, kill, overwork and torture people under the noses of the KR leadership!!!

Multitasking

Quick Quiz: What is the driver doing wrong in this picture?
Is it: a) He's not wearing a helmet? b) He's not got his hands on both handlebars? c) He's wearing blue trousers with a black shirt? or d) He needs some better reading glasses?

Wise Words

I was getting frustrated by the slow connection in an internet shop the other day, but Zen like calm returned to me after I spotted this.

Look After Your Own

In an article posted on KI Media, Brad Pitt says he wants his and Angelina 's Cambodian property de-mined for their family's safety sake

"Brad Pitt's main concern when he and lady love Angelina Jolie stay in Cambodia with their kids is not snakes or the wildlife [...or their local staff, or Cambodians in general?], but all the landmines buried across the country....Angelina revealed that Brad gets the jitters just thinking about all the landmines that have been buried in the countryside.He has now asked authorities if the couple's property can be swept for mines once again [but presumably no sweeping on any land not owned by the Pitt-Jolies]."

I have sent the Pitt Jolies the contact details for a local private demining organisation called CMAC.

Mirror Mirror...

In October last year, Phnom Penh authorities issued a decree stating that all motorcycles must have wing mirrors. For a (short) while, police stopped and fined those without them. My brother in law rushed out and bought the smallest and cheapest he could find. Around 2cm in diameter. These were deemed too small, so he went out and bought some slightly bigger ones. About 3cm diameter. The crackdown was lauded as a move to increase safety. However, I wasn't sure how effective this would be, as drivers would need to bother to actually look in the mirror, take stock of the wobbling rear view of the traffic and then make a decision as to whether to take any remedial action to avoid an accident. For those that care, a quick glance over the shoulder seems to have sufficed for decades. Added to this I was aware that in Cambodia, wing mirrors are not seen as an aid to road safety but as an aid to any self respecting male's beauty routine. Anyway, all this nonsense about wing mirrors seems to have been forgotten now. My brother in law's mirrors are gathering dust on a shelf at home. The latest crackdown is on vehicles with too many people clinging to them. If I were a more cynical person, I'd be tempted to say that these crackdowns were a shameless attempt to extract money from the poor citizens of Cambodia. I'd hate to be known as a cynic though.

Cheeky Liquids

Ah, the internet. What a wonderful repository of the arcane, unusual and downright disturbing. If it wasn't for the internet I would never have come across this great story about a little boy's favourite party trick, as shown on Cambodian TV. And if it wasn't for the internet I would never have come across this eyebrow raising site while looking for a photo to illustrate this post.

Young boy squirts enema on Cambodian TV

I've written a couple of reviews of Cambodian movies and seen several more in which little boys' weenies were shown on screen, so I was used to Cambodians' laid-back attitudes on such things.
However I was not prepared for what I saw last night on Channel 11, around 2215 in their regular show "Niatii Pteah Lek Dop Muay". An interviewer was chatting to a crowd of young people in some village, and encouraged one of them to exhibit his party trick.
The young boy – apparently perhaps eight years old, although it's hard for a Westerner to determine the age of Asians (your honor) – proceeded to take off all his clothes (on camera) and squat in a large basin of muddy water, earnestly grimacing for a long time while the interviewer filled in with banter. At length the boy rose from the basin and bent forward, and with some effort squirted long jets of water from his rear.
At this point the camera was somewhat in front of the boy so it did not show his bottom clearly, but there was no sign that the "performance" was faked; after several repetitions the crowd responded with warm applause.
Many sources refer rather vaguely to the Cambodians' "earthy" sense of humor; now I can cite this example.

Thanks to Danny's Weblog for that story

A Night at the Circus

I was half expecting to see some bear baiting or a freak show at the Khmer Circus performance on 11 May 07 at the Chenla Theatre, Phnom Penh. What we did get was a very enjoyable and professional performance. However, what raised the biggest laugh was when a duck escaped from under the magician's table at the end of his performance and the stage hand had to chase it around to catch it.

I took some photos, and video footage of clowns, acrobatics, breakdance, four men and my favourite: hula hoop (I've always had a thing for hula girls).

Silly Games

Remember those stupid contests you used to have at school where you had to see how long you could stare at someone without blinking? It seems the young men of Cambodia have taken this up...with predictably violent consequences.

13 youngsters arrested for shooting in the street [- some of the youngsters are sons of high-ranking gov't officials] (From: http://ki-media.blogspot.com/)

13 youngsters, some of whom are sons of high ranking officials, were arrested by the military police after a fight erupted outside of the Spark night club, located along the Mao Tse Tung Boulevard, in the early morning hours between 09 to 10 May. The anarchic shooting led to a police injury. Khun Sam Ol, the military police commander for Khan Chamcar Mon, said that during the fight, shots were also exchanged [among the fighters], causing a lot of noise for the local residents of this area. About 10 shots were heard. The shooting was initiated by a staring contest among the youngsters, this then led to a fistfight inside the night club, before it spilled to the outside of the club. There was also a report of cars ramming each others which led to 2 cars being damaged in the front. The fight climaxed into a shooting along the Mao Tse Tung Boulevard. Khun Sam Ol said that these youngsters are students and some are children of rich people and high-ranking government officials. Hun Sen seriously warned in the past about suppressing the Bang Thom and Bang Touch gangs which create unrest the society. Hun Sen also warned all high-ranking officials to teach their children not to rely on the backing of their influential parents to create havoc. Nevertheless, the situation still remains the same.

It's worth going to: http://ki-media.blogspot.com/search/label/Offspring%20of%20high-ranking%20officials to read some of the comments attached to the story.

Crooner Boy to Sing in Phnom Penh

Ronan Keating to play Cambodia (From AFP)

Irish pop crooner Ronan Keating is to perform before tens of thousands of Cambodians (Really? With tickets priced at a minimum of $15, which is about half the average monthly wage for those Cambodians that are lucky enough to have one of the few jobs around and have the spare cash to fork out to see cherubic boy, that may be hard) next month, in the country's first concert by a major international act (Now come on, let's not forget Michael Learns to Rock played in front of a limited tv studio audience back in 05. And is it really true that no international star played in Cambodia pre 1975? If anyone has any info, I'd love to know). Some 30,000 Cambodians will attend the gig by the former frontman of boy band Boyzone (who know how to have a laugh and turn up on a site that may appeal to female readers and friends of Dorothy), says Kevin Kouch, a senior producer at the Cambodian Television Network which is sponsoring the concert. "It's our first time [hosting a headline act] ... It will be a big success," he told AFP. Keating's performance will be the highlight of a longer trip through Cambodia, during which he is expected to visit the Angkor temples and several orphanages.Although Cambodia has hosted a number of minor foreign music acts (Er...Michael Learns to Rock) in recent years, Keating's concert is intended to open the way for greater international exposure, municipal culture office official Mom Suth says. "We hope the group will spread information regarding our culture and tourist potential to the rest of the world," he said. Since first hitting the stage with Boyzone in 1994, Keating has sold more than 21 million albums worldwide. His Cambodia concert, to be held in Phnom Penh's Olympic Stadium, is part of a three-date Asian tour which includes performances in Bangkok and Taipei.

Here's some little known facts about the lad

• Keating is a big fan of American actor Tom Cruise


• He was going to run in the 2007 London Marathon, but had to pull out due to severe back pain (I thought he was the severe pain). He was the official starter though.


• Ronan means 'little seal' in Irish gaelic.

Turn to the Left

Some may say it's not good to laugh at non-native speakers' attempts to use English. Sometimes it's hard not to though!

English is an International Language

A quick glance at a dictionary will tell you that this is funny, if you are from the UK or the US and, like me, you have a mental age of ten. I've saved you the time and copied a dictionary definition here:
fan‧ny plural fannies [countable] informal
1 American English the part of your body that you sit on [= bottom]
2 British English taboo informal a very offensive word for a woman's outer sex organs. Do not use this word [= genitals]

Actually the ice cream itself is pretty good. Come and sample it next time you're in Indochina


All this talk of Fanny reminds me of the great Fanny and Johnny Cradock, an early TV chef and her assistant/husband. She certainly had an interesting life (click here). My favourite quote from their TV show is from Johnny, who once said, "Let's hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's". Ha ha.

Blue Food

Thank you to reader ATO-S for sending me this photo. It's not wrong if you're Khmer (Khmers only have one word for blue and green, so you won't find football teams in Cambodialand playing against each other with one wearing green strip and the other blue. Actually, you probably will). I note that it's Zucchini in US, Canadian and Australian English, but Courgette (and correct) in British and New Zealand English. What's with the Antipodean split? Those of you with an interest in outsize vegetables, and I know there are many, click here.

Separated at Birth?

It's unusual to see Tom Jones tour these days, but for those lucky enough to live in Asia Town you might catch the Asian Tom Jones in a hotel bar near you. I was one of the privileged few to to witness this this man do a damn good impression of Wales's finest in the QBa, in the Cambodiana Hotel on Phnom Penh's answer to the Las Vegas strip. Luckily for you I filmed some of his set and if you're good I might let you see the editied version, if you click here.

More tea vicar?

Following on from the (almost) roaring success of the first Cocked Macklow Caption Competition comes another one. By the way, this feller's called Catsafrats Tea Time and he's a Cream Point Male
and son of Catsafrats Tetley Tea and Laureden Sweet Girl of Catsafrats.

Strange Cargo

During my years in Cambodia I have seen some unusual and unfeasible cargos carried on anything from a handcart to a truck and trailer. Motorbikes happily speed around heaped with jerrycans of petrol, seemingly oblivious to the danger. Trucks vie with each other in a contest to see how much they can pile onto the back (with a few passengers on the top for good measure). I have become immune to the sight of vehicles (and people) carrying unusual cargos...until this morning, when I sighted a man on a beat up motorbike carrying an impressively sized dead rat as a passenger. I suppose it was too late to find it a helmet...not much point really. However I would have thought the driver would have strapped the unfortunate rodent down in case he had to corner at speed.

Caption Competition

Welcome to the first Cocked Macklow caption competition. Enter your caption in the comments section below and you could win one of these great prizes:

A catering size can of Cocked Macklow!

A complete set of Conan's movies!

"LSD TEST ON UK TROOPS"

Did you know that it's a bad idea to give powerful hallucinogens to soldiers? Who woulda thunk it? But here's a British newsreel film about British Army drug experiments that proves it.

http://wfmu.org/onthedownload.php/byartist/24

Tall Actor, Conan Stevens, World's Biggest Action Hero ?

Follow the adventures of Conan, a 7' wall of muscle as he travels S.E.Asia acting in B movies and moaning about prices. He also needs your help. http://www.conanstevens.com/tall-actors-giant-life/tall-giant-in-thailand/my-overland-trip-to-phnom-penh-cambodia.html

Dampen Your Ardour

Pestered by horny dogs rubbing up against you?Sprayed on too much of that pig pheremone attraction spray? Those clever Chinese scientists have found the answer. Who would've thought the humble grape held the key?